So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
