u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
