i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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