no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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