home. puking in laundry basket.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
it's great music for shaving your balls
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
