I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
