In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
