Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
