For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
