I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
