you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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