Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
