we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ketchup is God's man juice
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
