Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
