so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
