i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
