I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
