i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
