I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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