What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
