she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
