im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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