We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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