So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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