dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
