Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
