Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
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