She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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