I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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