just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
