When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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