well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
