I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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