areolas are like halos for boobs.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
