Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
