i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
