I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
