Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
