i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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