I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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