A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
where are you?
Hypothermia
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
