I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
