Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
