I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
