Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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