If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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