she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
