i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
