He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
