so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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