just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
